Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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