I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
