i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
