I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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