I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
