The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
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