You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize