So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
