winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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