I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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