my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
This baby is an asshole
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
