we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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