I hate all girls vehemently.
Too much gin, very little bucket
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize