We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
