Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
How many fucks given?
0.12846
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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