..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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