now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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