I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
should my penis look like a turkey
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
