you turned your livingroom into a bong?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
