Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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