Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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