we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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