So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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