ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize