Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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