Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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