SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
