Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
