Sponge bath it is.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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