dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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