Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Randomize
