last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
