Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
