I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Randomize
