she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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