Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
