Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
