we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
