Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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