Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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