This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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