it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
