i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
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