you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
