What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
