there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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