I heard we made out
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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