is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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