Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
