i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
