What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
