When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
