my mouth tastes like poor choices
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
