I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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