remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
