There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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