Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
