How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
