watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
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