Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize