man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize