he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
