Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I have tasted many bathrooms
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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